Won’t Go To Nursing Home – Help!

Nursing Home Fight

A reader wrote in:

“My 89 year-old mother lives with me and my teenage grandson. She needs around the clock help. She can’t get in or out of bed without help. She is incontinent and has memory problems. I’m worn out. I know she would be better off in a nursing home rather than here. I can’t afford a home health care worker, she really needs to go into a home. But she refuses. How can I convince her to go into a nursing home? Every time I bring up the subject she gets angry, starts crying and telling me that I must hate her. What can I do?”

Resisting Going to a Nursing Home

The first step to being persuasive to to persuade yourself. You must be sold on the idea. If you’re wishy washy about it you’ll fold as soon as your meet resistance.
Meet with a geriatric professional, social worker or medical professional and talk it out. Get objective advice. Is your mom really better off in a nursing home? Maybe there are alternatives? The point is, be sure of what you want before you try to persuade another person.
Some people will tell you that you’re being selfish by “sticking” your mom into a nursing home. They’ll brag about how they managed to take care of their aging parent and how you should too. But let me tell you a secret; you are not other people. Your circumstances are unique. Maybe other people had more resources than you – more relatives, more money, more time. Maybe the elderly parent was not as difficult as yours is. And so on.

Senior Living Community

The question is, “What is best for everyone?” If you’re neglecting a teenager to care for an elder – what is the possible outcome? Would your mom really want that child to suffer? Poor grades, alcohol and drug abuse, and crime – these are the sort of things that happen to teenagers when their parent or guardian is too worn out to take an active interest.

What about you? Would your mom really want you to fall into poor health or even suffer a nervous breakdown?

What about your mom? Does she really want to end her life in a home full of strife? Might she do better in a new environment? I’m not saying that nursing homes are ideal – but they’re often better than the substandard care that a resource deprived, burnt-out family caregiver can offer.

Getting Mom or Dad to Go to A Nursing Home: Persuasion Tips

Appeal to their self-interest.  Talk about what your parent will gain or lose – not what you want.

Appeal to their higher values.  People want to be consistent and appear rational. Get them to talk about the brave qualities – get them talking about how smart and independent they are. If they see themselves as smart and capable, instead of powerless, they may have more courage to make the right decisions.

Remember that people are more motivated to avoid loss than pursue gains. Your parent might be afraid of losing control – you need to let them see that they might be worse off at home with improper care. When someone sees a nursing home as a death sentence – trying to sell them on the idea by talking about how nice the home will fall on deaf ears.

Get Help

You may be a grown-up, but your mom or dad might still think of you as that little child of years ago. They may not take your advice seriously. Get the help of authority figure that they do respect. Ask their religious leader to visit and encourage the right decision. Ask the family doctor to do the same. Reach out to a family member who has the right relationship.

Caring for Elderly People with Dementia

It’s a hard job to do alone, not too mention a possibly dangerous one too. People suffering from dementia can wander off or suffer accidents the moment you nod off. Don’t try to do it alone. Visit http://www.alz.org/apps/findus.asp to find a support group.

Get affordable care for your loved one (even it is just a handful of hours so you can take care of yourself and other loved ones).

Find a local help to assist you with care giving here: Free Background Checks. Safe & Easy.

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