Won’t Go To Nursing Home – Help!

Nursing Home Fight

A reader wrote in:

“My 89 year-old mother lives with me and my teenage grandson. She needs around the clock help. She can’t get in or out of bed without help. She is incontinent and has memory problems. I’m worn out. I know she would be better off in a nursing home rather than here. I can’t afford a home health care worker, she really needs to go into a home. But she refuses. How can I convince her to go into a nursing home? Every time I bring up the subject she gets angry, starts crying and telling me that I must hate her. What can I do?”

Resisting Going to a Nursing Home

The first step to being persuasive to to persuade yourself. You must be sold on the idea. If you’re wishy washy about it you’ll fold as soon as your meet resistance.
Meet with a geriatric professional, social worker or medical professional and talk it out. Get objective advice. Is your mom really better off in a nursing home? Maybe there are alternatives? The point is, be sure of what you want before you try to persuade another person.
Some people will tell you that you’re being selfish by “sticking” your mom into a nursing home. They’ll brag about how they managed to take care of their aging parent and how you should too. But let me tell you a secret; you are not other people. Your circumstances are unique. Maybe other people had more resources than you – more relatives, more money, more time. Maybe the elderly parent was not as difficult as yours is. And so on.

Senior Living Community

The question is, “What is best for everyone?” If you’re neglecting a teenager to care for an elder – what is the possible outcome? Would your mom really want that child to suffer? Poor grades, alcohol and drug abuse, and crime – these are the sort of things that happen to teenagers when their parent or guardian is too worn out to take an active interest.

What about you? Would your mom really want you to fall into poor health or even suffer a nervous breakdown?

What about your mom? Does she really want to end her life in a home full of strife? Might she do better in a new environment? I’m not saying that nursing homes are ideal – but they’re often better than the substandard care that a resource deprived, burnt-out family caregiver can offer.

Getting Mom or Dad to Go to A Nursing Home: Persuasion Tips

Appeal to their self-interest.  Talk about what your parent will gain or lose – not what you want.

Appeal to their higher values.  People want to be consistent and appear rational. Get them to talk about the brave qualities – get them talking about how smart and independent they are. If they see themselves as smart and capable, instead of powerless, they may have more courage to make the right decisions.

Remember that people are more motivated to avoid loss than pursue gains. Your parent might be afraid of losing control – you need to let them see that they might be worse off at home with improper care. When someone sees a nursing home as a death sentence – trying to sell them on the idea by talking about how nice the home will fall on deaf ears.

Get Help

You may be a grown-up, but your mom or dad might still think of you as that little child of years ago. They may not take your advice seriously. Get the help of authority figure that they do respect. Ask their religious leader to visit and encourage the right decision. Ask the family doctor to do the same. Reach out to a family member who has the right relationship.

Caring for Elderly People with Dementia

It’s a hard job to do alone, not too mention a possibly dangerous one too. People suffering from dementia can wander off or suffer accidents the moment you nod off. Don’t try to do it alone. Visit http://www.alz.org/apps/findus.asp to find a support group.

Get affordable care for your loved one (even it is just a handful of hours so you can take care of yourself and other loved ones).

Find a local help to assist you with care giving here: Free Background Checks. Safe & Easy.

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  101. I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the page layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

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  103. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my agreement. Do you know any ways to help protect against content from being stolen? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

  104. I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the structure of your website? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or 2 pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  105. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  106. Superb blog you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any community forums that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really like to be a part of community where I can get feedback from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you!

  107. Awesome blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m totally overwhelmed .. Any ideas? Many thanks!

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  109. Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Ie. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the issue resolved soon. Kudos

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  112. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  113. Hello, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, wonderful blog!

  114. Hey! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Thank you!

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  117. Have you ever thought about publishing an ebook or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog centered on the same ideas you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would value your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.

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  124. Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

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  131. With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright infringement? My website has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help prevent content from being ripped off? I’d certainly appreciate it.

  132. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Cheers!

  133. I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. thanks a lot

  134. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious what all is needed to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% certain. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks

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  139. I was curious if you ever considered changing the page layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

  140. Awesome blog! Do you have any suggestions for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m totally confused .. Any ideas? Many thanks!

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  142. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Thanks!

  143. Hiya! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My site looks weird when browsing from my iphone 4. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to correct this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share. Cheers!

  144. I was curious if you ever considered changing the layout of your website? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

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  148. When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thank you!

  149. Hey! I realize this is somewhat off-topic however I needed to ask. Does operating a well-established blog like yours require a lot of work? I am brand new to running a blog however I do write in my journal daily. I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my own experience and feelings online. Please let me know if you have any kind of suggestions or tips for new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!

  150. Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog. Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? With thanks

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  154. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is required to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% sure. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Kudos

  155. I’m not sure exactly why but this website is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  156. Howdy would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good web hosting provider at a honest price? Many thanks, I appreciate it!

  157. Hmm it seems like your website ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any tips and hints for newbie blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

  158. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  159. Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your blog. You have some really good articles and I believe I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please blast me an e-mail if interested. Kudos!

  160. Hi there! I understand this is sort of off-topic however I had to ask. Does building a well-established blog like yours require a massive amount work? I’m completely new to writing a blog but I do write in my journal daily. I’d like to start a blog so I can share my personal experience and views online. Please let me know if you have any kind of recommendations or tips for new aspiring blog owners. Thankyou!

  161. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the structure of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  162. Hello just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  163. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and all. But imagine if you added some great photos or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and clips, this website could certainly be one of the greatest in its niche. Wonderful blog!

  164. This design is incredible! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  165. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an email. I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.

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  168. Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it tough to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Thanks

  169. Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any support is very much appreciated.

  170. When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Many thanks!

  171. Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

  172. First off I want to say great blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I have had a difficult time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out. I truly do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips? Appreciate it!

  173. Hello, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam feedback? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any support is very much appreciated.

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  178. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  179. The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  180. Hi there! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it!

  181. Hmm it seems like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any points for rookie blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

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  183. Hey are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you need any html coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  184. This design is wicked! You certainly know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

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  191. Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My website addresses a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog by the way!

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  194. Hello! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

  195. Hi there just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same results.

  196. Have you ever considered about adding a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and all. Nevertheless just imagine if you added some great photos or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and videos, this site could certainly be one of the best in its niche. Terrific blog!

  197. Superb website you have here but I was curious if you knew of any message boards that cover the same topics talked about in this article? I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get responses from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Kudos!

  198. I am really enjoying the theme/design of your site. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems? A small number of my blog audience have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any recommendations to help fix this problem?

  199. Appreciating the persistence you put into your blog and in depth information you offer. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed information. Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  200. Have you ever thought about creating an ebook or guest authoring on other websites? I have a blog centered on the same subjects you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitors would appreciate your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.

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  202. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web smart so I’m not 100% positive. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it

  203. Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

  204. Hello would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you recommend a good web hosting provider at a fair price? Kudos, I appreciate it!

  205. Hi just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  206. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is fundamental and all. Nevertheless think about if you added some great photos or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and video clips, this site could definitely be one of the most beneficial in its niche. Very good blog!

  207. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the page layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  208. Hi! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My website addresses a lot of the same topics as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you’re interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!

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  242. Hey! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My website discusses a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Fantastic blog by the way!

  243. My developer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on several websites for about a year and am concerned about switching to another platform. I have heard very good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!

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  264. Whats up this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding knowledge so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  265. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. appreciate it

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  268. Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Thank you

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  271. My coder is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on several websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be really appreciated!

  272. When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Thanks!

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  285. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to create my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. thanks

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  288. The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

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  292. Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

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  313. The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  314. Howdy this is somewhat of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding expertise so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  315. Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using? I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having a difficult time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S My apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

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  319. Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments? If so how do you protect against it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any assistance is very much appreciated.

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